I've been told by a few different sources that most of the time, other people probably don't really pay that much attention to the small details of what I'm doing or how I'm presenting myself. This is by no means a slight, but it simply means I shouldn't really worry about what other people are thinking about what I choose to do or how I choose to react to something. I pay way too much attention to or over-analyze what I think someone else is thinking about me. And if I'm to continue thinking in a positive frame of mind and do what makes me happy, I can't base my decisions on how I expect other people to react to them.
Case in point: It's a small matter, but bringing my own reusable grocery bags to the store shouldn't be a big ordeal. I find myself standing in line, apprehensive about the timing of handing the bags over to the bagger. Do I wait until they look like they're ready to say "Paper or plastic?" Or do I just make them visible so the bagger can see they don't need to ask? And will they think I'm a little cuckoo because I brought my own? Reusable bags are more of a common occurrence at places like Whole Foods or the local co-op, where employees are used to seeing them, but I brought them to Rainbow Foods today and found myself in this fleeting predicament. Of course, like with most situations I over-analyze in the nanoseconds before they occur, it's over and done before I have a chance to feel what I think is relief that the employees don't seem to have formed an opinion about me over my choice to bring my own bags.
It seems illogical to me that I care what other people think of me. Or that I think they're even thinking about me at all. I don't change my decisions because I speculate on the "consequences," but instead I obsess after the fact until I find something else to occupy my thoughts. It's a vicious cycle. I know it's not important, because 90 percent of the time, complete strangers could probably give a hoot why I did what I did. But if I don't think about the impact, I feel like I'm not considering how my actions might affect the people around me. Is there an adjective to describe that?
So I suppose the fact that I followed through and handed my bags over to the bagger, instead of copping out and saying "Paper, please," constitutes a baby step in conquering this neurosis. As I'm learning while training my dog, consistency is key. If you keep at it, you have a bigger chance of accomplishing your goal. So my goal for my next shopping trip is to just politely hand over the bags when the bagger asks, without anticipating the "appropriate" time to do so. Just do it.
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7 comments:
Thank you, Kate, for letting me know that I'm not the only one.
No, I don't yet bring my own reusable bags to the supermarket -- I'm still struggling to fathom my experience at the U's summer farmers market, in which the U distributed canvas produce totes and the vendors, nearly to a person, dumped your selection in a plastic bag and then slid it into the tote, regardless of what you intended ...
But I do obsess about these sorts of little things and stew over what people will think. I'm struggling to think of an example right now, which makes me wonder if you or some other reader will suspect me of making this up. Maybe I should delete the whole thing.
And now you probably think I said all *that* in weak attempt to be funny. Maybe I did. Humor masks insecurity, right? Laugh, darn it!
We should work on the word for this ...
I'll start brainstorming on a descriptive term. As long as it's something we find humorous, right?
And no, I don't think you made any of that up. The fact that you took the time to think and type all that out tells me we share the same neurosis, just maybe over different things. :-)
I feel better knowing I'm not alone ...
The best I've come up with so far:
- paranoiaralysis -- the inability to act or make decisions based on unfounded worries
... which led to ...
- parannoyed -- worrying obsessively about the small stuff
- clairannoyance -- the "gift" of seeing all sorts of tiny worries in the near future
... and ...
- clairanoid or clairanoia (or clairannoyed or clarannoyia) -- being paranoid about a future only you can see
- clairalysis -- the inability to act or make decisions based on a vision of the future only you can see
Unfortunately, none of these convey the sense of worrying about other people's impressions of you.
Once we come up with a favorite, we may want to post this discussion as a blog ...
You've been busy, I see. A group discussion blog on the topic may be good therapy for this, eh?
Another angle: perceptanoia. Or perceptavoyance. Or clairannoyance perceptanoia. That sounds clinical. :-)
(And there I go, acting on this neurosis. I deleted my last comment because of a spelling error and reposted to fix it. Sheesh.)
impressionoia?
public-perceptionoia?
still thinking ...
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