gimme fiction

I usually find myself breezing through novels, without processing too much "advice"-type messaging, whether it's blatant or not. Or maybe I don't usually take away a whole lot after finishing a book.

But the planets seem to be aligned, and the novel I'm reading currently has proven to be more than relevant to where I'm at in my life. It's called A Spot of Bother by Mark Haddon. I'd read one of his novels a few years ago and thought I'd give his follow-up a try. And despite the ups and downs throughout the plot, I'm either relating to or taking away lessons from the characters. Although he writes in a very simple style, Haddon is brilliant with content and at crafting realistic situations.

I'm nearing the end of the book, and last night, I stumbled upon some ingenious thoughts on self-awareness. The son, Jamie, is struggling with a breakup and trying to be a better son and brother. And at this particular moment, he's deciding how to deal with showing up late to his sister's wedding. This isn't verbatim, but I was floored by this concept he presented to himself: There are two things that help you be a better person. The first is thinking about other people. The second is not caring what others think about you.

I had to reread it, then reread it again to make sure I read it correctly. How often is it that you find such prolific ideas in a piece of fiction?

So I'm committing this fantastic advice to memory. When I start to feel like my thoughts and emotions are out of control, I can always come back to this simple concept and find peace in knowing everything will be OK as long as I carry it out.

holiday 2007 photo-vid

It's been a fairly busy week, and I haven't quite processed my thoughts from the week's events yet. But I spent a few hours tonight putting together some great photos from our trip to New York City at Christmas.

We spent Dec. 21-25 in the Big Apple, and it was an absolutely fantastic trip, as you can see from my YouTube photo album. Once I have the high-quality photos posted on flickr, I'll post a link.

And yes, Doug has his finger in his nose in the subway station (in case you couldn't tell).

feelin' groovy

Earlier today and into this evening, I was starting to focus on my insecurities over a potential career change. And after writing it all down and then later discussing it with Doug, I'm choosing to focus on something else because I think I'm over those insecurities. Namely, I was obsessing over whether or not I could deal with a pay cut. And I realize now that I'll deal with it when it happens. I formulated a strategy to negotiate my current salary, if required, and now I can just wait until the transition is approved and I jump into the new responsibilities. It feels much better to write about a solution than to document the pros and cons, when I know deep down this transition and career move will be good for me.

So, I'm going to focus this entry on my 2008 goal progress.

I already blathered on yesterday about bringing my reusable bags to the grocery store. But aside from the usual groceries, other items that found their way into my bags included non-toxic household items for making homemade cleaning solutions. Baking soda, white vinegar, lemon juice, Borax and Bon Ami are all biodegradable and non-toxic, and can be used alone or in combination with each other to create pretty much any kind of household cleaner you'd need. I found an offer in my Blue Sky Guide to get a free squirt bottle from the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency that shows measurements and includes cleaner recipes -- so I have that in my possession and intend to start making some of these cleaners. As trivial and ridiculous as it may sound, I'm actually looking forward to making the tub and tile cleaner of dish liquid and baking soda to scour my bathtub without inhaling the unbearable fumes most commercial cleaners produce.

The MPCA's website, www.reduce.org, also features a host of cleaner recipes to try at home.

I've also been washing out all of the plastic bags and liners from boxed items and frozen foods -- because as long as they're rinsed out and the zip tops are removed, you can recycle them along with plastic shopping bags. We dumped a giant bag of plastic bags in the bag recycle bin at Rainbow yesterday.

I'm also noticing that my effort at getting up earlier is really paying off so far. I've been pretty consistent in getting up at 6:40 instead of 7:30, and that extra 50 minutes of awake time makes a huge difference in how I feel throughout the day. I have more time to get ready (I put makeup on this morning!); I can eat my breakfast at the dining table instead of at my desk; I can feed Jasper breakfast; and I can even go upstairs and have a conversation with Doug while he's getting ready. Since I'm awake longer, I have more time to "wake up" before I get to the office, and I feel like I'm in a better frame of mind all day. I haven't been nearly as curt with co-workers when my workload is heavy and they bring me more work. And I'm sleeping more soundly at night; I haven't woken up as many times in the night as usual, and when I do, I fall back to sleep pretty heavily. And I don't actually mind when the alarm goes off at 6:30 again the next morning. I didn't really know what kind of results to expect from this change, but I'm very happy with what I'm seeing so soon.

This Friday, I'm going to hang out with my friend Belinda. So I've made some social plans on my own. This is a big step toward my social networking goal. I normally wait until someone else invites me to do something, and this time, I initiated. I've been afraid before to ask for fear that the person is already busy and I'd feel rejected. I thought briefly about this today and came to this conclusion: I'm more open now to making new friends and working at maintaining existing friendships than I was when I was younger, when most people form those lasting friendships. I spent most of my teens and early adulthood clinging to the few friends who hadn't abandoned me, and it seems that these are the times others are making new friends. I wouldn't change my past experiences for something else, but I'm ready now to forget my inhibitions and insecurities that someone I get close to will grow apart from me later. I'll write more about the root of this insecurity in another post.

So I feel like I'm on track, even though I've only been working at these goals for about a week. But the positive results I've had are enough to keep at it and maintain consistency so they just become a routine part of my life.

paranoia strikes three

I've been told by a few different sources that most of the time, other people probably don't really pay that much attention to the small details of what I'm doing or how I'm presenting myself. This is by no means a slight, but it simply means I shouldn't really worry about what other people are thinking about what I choose to do or how I choose to react to something. I pay way too much attention to or over-analyze what I think someone else is thinking about me. And if I'm to continue thinking in a positive frame of mind and do what makes me happy, I can't base my decisions on how I expect other people to react to them.

Case in point: It's a small matter, but bringing my own reusable grocery bags to the store shouldn't be a big ordeal. I find myself standing in line, apprehensive about the timing of handing the bags over to the bagger. Do I wait until they look like they're ready to say "Paper or plastic?" Or do I just make them visible so the bagger can see they don't need to ask? And will they think I'm a little cuckoo because I brought my own? Reusable bags are more of a common occurrence at places like Whole Foods or the local co-op, where employees are used to seeing them, but I brought them to Rainbow Foods today and found myself in this fleeting predicament. Of course, like with most situations I over-analyze in the nanoseconds before they occur, it's over and done before I have a chance to feel what I think is relief that the employees don't seem to have formed an opinion about me over my choice to bring my own bags.

It seems illogical to me that I care what other people think of me. Or that I think they're even thinking about me at all. I don't change my decisions because I speculate on the "consequences," but instead I obsess after the fact until I find something else to occupy my thoughts. It's a vicious cycle. I know it's not important, because 90 percent of the time, complete strangers could probably give a hoot why I did what I did. But if I don't think about the impact, I feel like I'm not considering how my actions might affect the people around me. Is there an adjective to describe that?

So I suppose the fact that I followed through and handed my bags over to the bagger, instead of copping out and saying "Paper, please," constitutes a baby step in conquering this neurosis. As I'm learning while training my dog, consistency is key. If you keep at it, you have a bigger chance of accomplishing your goal. So my goal for my next shopping trip is to just politely hand over the bags when the bagger asks, without anticipating the "appropriate" time to do so. Just do it.

tolerance is a withering virtue

I've been taking the bus as part of my commute since October. Prior to that, I drove 1.5 miles to my light rail station, which began to seem a bit ridiculous. And I had never ridden a bus in the Twin Cities until this switch. I ride the 21 on Lake St. between 42nd Ave. and Hiawatha Ave.

That being said, I've become much more observant of the people around me. This began with riding the light rail, which I've been doing for about two years, and now extends to my bus ride. Whereas I used to huddle to myself and try to ignore the goings-on, I now find myself listening and looking around much more.

The 21 bus is host to a variety of people. I used to have a prejudice against bus commuters, assuming that most riders were those who couldn't afford a car or didn't have jobs. Yes, I'm admitting an incorrect assumption here. And yes, I am wrong about this. Consider the fact that I do own a car, but I choose not to drive it the short distance to work. I, in fact, am one of many people in a category of commuters I didn't think existed. But I digress.

My sense of observation brought about a quick flash of reflection this morning. A reflection on myself and how I'm consciously choosing to be more tolerant of those around me. This is a hard thing to do with complete strangers, especially in the short time one is packed onto the bus with new people each day.

I got on the bus this morning, and a middle-aged man was politely saying "Happy New Year" to everyone who got on the bus. He wasn't talking loudly, so it wasn't so much a disturbance. When I got on, the empty window seat was in front of his, so I sat down. He said "Happy New Year" to me, so instinctively, I wished him the same, thinking that would be the end of the conversation. But he continued, and asked me if I had a boyfriend or if I was married, to which I replied, "Yes, I do." At this point, I didn't get agitated, as I would have expected of myself; I remained calm. He continued to say something in the way of my boyfriend being very lucky to have someone so beautiful. I imagine had I been agitated at this point, I would've considered this harassment. But instead, I just said thank you, and took out my book to read. And he went back to wishing everyone a happy new year.

It's hard not to make assumptions about someone else's situation when you find yourself in conversation with a perfect stranger. I don't know this man, and I don't know his situation. But I'm glad I didn't ignore him. I'd have all sorts of irrational what-if situations running through my head, and since I followed through and completed the experience, I don't have to wonder now.

Turn, turn, turn

It's New Year's Day. And I haven't spent the entire day thinking back on 2007 -- perhaps I had a brief thought that it was a pretty good year. But I'm realizing more these last few months that I'd like more to think about the now and even ahead to what's coming, rather than reminisce about the past. Sure, it's important to reflect on how you got to where you are or happy memories of times you enjoyed. But in my wise old age, I see now that it's also important to be aware of the present and plan for the future.

And rather than to "resolve" to do anything differently this year, or to stop doing something, I'd like to see the changes I'm making more as goals than resolutions. In the past, I resolved not to make resolutions, and perhaps that set me up for disappointment at the end of each year; or perhaps my lack of awareness made me oblivious to any potential disappointment. (A-ha; I'm reminiscing, aren't I?) But something in my brain clicked in 2007 and suddenly I'm more self-aware and more aware of the people around me, their feelings and their thoughts. Don't ask me, but it's possible that I actually grew up a little bit this year. Or a lot.

So, this first entry of 2008 is to introduce my goals -- not just for 2008, but for as long as it takes for me to achieve them or to incorporate them as permanent elements of my life.

Goal No. 1: Reduce, reuse and recycle
I'm catching myself more and more moving away from the trash can to find another use for or way to dispose of what could easily be thrown away. Or finding another way to transport myself from one place to another.

I plan to build on these small things I'm doing now:

• I take the bus, then the light rail to and from work. It feels great to leave the Golf at home.
• I replaced my petroleum-based household cleaners with plant-based ones. I bought reusable, washable rags to clean with instead of using paper towels.
• I bought a reusable grocery bag for grocery shopping. I took it to Target yesterday and took my purchases home without taking any plastic (or paper) bags home.
• We replaced most of the incandescent light bulbs in the house with compact fluorescent bulbs.
• We bought a Blue Sky Guide with the intention of trying local stores and products we haven't before.
• I repaired a ripped oven mit, instead of returning it to the store as a faulty item. I burned my hand on an oven rack while wearing it, only to discover the stitching came undone. It sat on the counter for more than a month, until yesterday when I decided to sew it up. I haven't sewn anything in years!
  

Goal No. 2: Get up earlier
I constantly joke with co-workers about how I don't roll out of bed until 7:30, or how "I'm not even contemplating getting up at that hour" when we commiserate about getting up early. No more. It doesn't pay to start the day out stressed because I'm running out the door at the last minute to catch the bus.

Goal No. 3: Focus on more positive information, attributes and events
I fall prey to the media's mantra of "if it bleeds, it leads." I stopped watching the news on TV because every other story focused on some horrible event. But even when I peruse the online dailies, my mouse gravitates toward the story of who's been murdered where. That mentality seeps into daily choices and reactions, so my thinking is, if I concentrate more on the positive events going on this world, I'll have a good basis for positive thinking in my personal life. Doug and I have both vowed to catch ourselves in the act of negativity and turn it around. Each time we say something negative, we put a quarter (sometimes more!) in the Neghead Jar. I'd like to say it might fund a vacation, but let's hope we have more positive than negative thoughts before that happens, eh?

Goal No. 4: Expand my interests and interpersonal relationships
Another reflection of my past experiences has shown me that I'm prone to falling into routine, without challenging myself to try something new. My first challenge is to start a book club; to take an existing interest in bookwormedness and branch out to create a social network around it. Also, my friend Belinda has offered to teach me how to knit, and although I would've scoffed at the idea previously, I'm really looking forward to it now.

Goal No. 5: Save money
Doug and I have decided we're ready to buy a house. But the $1,000 (or more) earnest money and whatever down payment and/or closing costs we offer up won't just magically appear. We'll be starting from scratch since we're renting, meaning there's no current equity to cover the aforementioned expenses. So in conjunction with this very attainable goal, I plan to spend less on unnecessary material items. Which also loops back to goal No. 1 to reduce my footprint.

So I intend to go forth with these goals in mind, and I'll make a concerted effort to document my "progress." Onward and upward. For real.