paranoia strikes three

I've been told by a few different sources that most of the time, other people probably don't really pay that much attention to the small details of what I'm doing or how I'm presenting myself. This is by no means a slight, but it simply means I shouldn't really worry about what other people are thinking about what I choose to do or how I choose to react to something. I pay way too much attention to or over-analyze what I think someone else is thinking about me. And if I'm to continue thinking in a positive frame of mind and do what makes me happy, I can't base my decisions on how I expect other people to react to them.

Case in point: It's a small matter, but bringing my own reusable grocery bags to the store shouldn't be a big ordeal. I find myself standing in line, apprehensive about the timing of handing the bags over to the bagger. Do I wait until they look like they're ready to say "Paper or plastic?" Or do I just make them visible so the bagger can see they don't need to ask? And will they think I'm a little cuckoo because I brought my own? Reusable bags are more of a common occurrence at places like Whole Foods or the local co-op, where employees are used to seeing them, but I brought them to Rainbow Foods today and found myself in this fleeting predicament. Of course, like with most situations I over-analyze in the nanoseconds before they occur, it's over and done before I have a chance to feel what I think is relief that the employees don't seem to have formed an opinion about me over my choice to bring my own bags.

It seems illogical to me that I care what other people think of me. Or that I think they're even thinking about me at all. I don't change my decisions because I speculate on the "consequences," but instead I obsess after the fact until I find something else to occupy my thoughts. It's a vicious cycle. I know it's not important, because 90 percent of the time, complete strangers could probably give a hoot why I did what I did. But if I don't think about the impact, I feel like I'm not considering how my actions might affect the people around me. Is there an adjective to describe that?

So I suppose the fact that I followed through and handed my bags over to the bagger, instead of copping out and saying "Paper, please," constitutes a baby step in conquering this neurosis. As I'm learning while training my dog, consistency is key. If you keep at it, you have a bigger chance of accomplishing your goal. So my goal for my next shopping trip is to just politely hand over the bags when the bagger asks, without anticipating the "appropriate" time to do so. Just do it.